Is this what I have wanted?

1 week have passed.. and tomorrow start a new week again..go to the dusty, hot and stressful construction site for another 6 days, then rest for 1 day..this cycle repeats itself again and again.. this week i'm quite emo..not happy for the whole week.. was sick, but recovered..not fully but still ok.. work is not as smooth as before.. but at least today try to find a solution to solve it.. i promise myself i will get it done by next weekend so that i might be a little bit happy or at least relieved.. no matter how..i still misses my family alot.. the main reason for me being emo is mainly because i miss my family.. my gf is so good to plan to come to penang to find me even when she is not free.. but i told her not to come, at least not now coz i can't spend much time with her in penang as i'm working from 9am to 6pm.. that includes saturdays.. she will be very boring when i'm not at home.. furthermore, i dun 1 her to take bus alone to and fro penang.. thinking of it makes me worry and sad.. today mum called me in the afternoon coz she doesn't know how to on9 using my com at home so that she can print out something that she need in order to collect my graduation attire.. however, after spending some time explaining to her what to do.. she still din manage to on9..i'm not sure its my com prob or its my mum prob.. anyway, there is still a plenty of time to do that..at least 3 more weeks.. this time i can only go home on the 5th week i'm back in penang.. now its oni the 1st week.. there is 4 more weeks to go.. i think the time passes very slow this time around.. i 1 2 go home now.. how i hope i can rewind the time to the pass where i'm still in primary or secondary school.. that time is the best..i have alot of friends that i can talk to..i can see my parents everyday.. have home cooking.. and the oni thing to worry is the final exam.. when i was younger, i told myself that i'm gonna earn alot of money when i graduated.. now that i've so called achieved that (my pay is considered high for a fresh grad).. i found out that i'm not happy at all.. the oni benefit i can see from working is the pay i get at the end of each month..other than this.. nothing seems to be good.. in order to do my job justice..this job is actually quite good where the pay is high and i get alot of exposure.. however, this job also cause me to spend very limited time with my family.. its less than 10% for the whole month.. that also 8 hours spent on the highway.. y is it so unfair le.. i tends to hate penang in general and the construction site in particular.. i wonder would i be happier working at a construction site near home or at least a place where i can travel home every weekend.. i've oni worked for this job for the 2nd month..i edi feel so unhappy..i wonder how am i gonna continue..however..i will tahan til at least 1 year.. i'm giving myself time to adapt..the 1st time i came here, i went home after 2 weeks, then 4 weeks, and now i can oni go home on the 5th week.. maybe many ppl will say that its oni 1 week more than previously..its actually easier to say than done.. when u r in a very unfamiliar place and virtually no friend at all.. its such a torture.. i think wat my friend told me is quite right..i chosed my current job for money and exposure oni..not really like it.. i think i have been mumbling here for too long..no matter what i write here.. i still have to face the reality..i still need to work..i still need to wait no matter how long it takes til the day i'm going home.. i just hope the prob i'm facing at the construction site will be solve by next week.. and the coming week will be super busy so that i won't have time to think of other stuffs.. but seriously, i'm not ready to face tomolo.. i'm very afraid that the solution that i'm proposing will be rejected by the architect and i will need to crack my head yet again..and i will be even more emo.. i really need some luck and really really hope that everything will go smoothly til the week i'm going home.. one last word..penang is not my hometown and i hate it even when its actually a good place..what a dilemma..

balik kampung..

for 23 years, whenever other people ask me where is my hometown or am i going back to hometown during cny holiday.. my answer will always be i dun have hometown.. my hometown is selangor or in other words, my home is my only hometown.. now different edi lu.. now my "home" is in penang, and my hometown is selangor.. 4 hours drive away from home.. will only go back to my real home once in a month..and it last for less than 72 hours.. it seems so unfair..its more unfair when i think i spent 8 hours driving to and fro my home.. now i kinda understand y those people insist they 1 2 go home once they have the chance eventhough they might end up in massive traffic jam.. just like cny reunion.. some of them will onl have the chance once in a few months.. at least i'm entitled to go home once in a month.. one of the saturday dun need to work and they dun deduct my pay.. consider okla.. tomolo night can go home lu.. i edi settle my job up to this point..hopefully tomolo won't have any "surprise" that will require me to stay til dinner time.. if everything goes smoothly, then i might go home at 4 something.. hopefully la.. 1 and a half hour earlier start my journey means earn 1 and a half hour of quality time with family.. now working edi feel so helpless.. can't really spend time with family.. the only thing i can do is give them some money to buy stuffs eventhough the amount i'm giving them is insignificant.. and treat them good food or something like that.. at least i will feel better lo.. sometimes i'm thinking, it will be better if i've got a younger bro or sis.. so that at least when i'm working farawar from home.. they can help me take care of my parents.. and i can work care free.. without worrying anything might happen to them and i can't be there on time.. i know i think too much.. but i just think oni la.. its fated that i'm their only child..i have to bear all the responsibilities lo.. up to this point..i owe my mum around rm1600.. my credit card expenses and for buying myself a gps phone which i seldom use.. but now my money in my bank acc left rm1500 oni..haiz.. tot of paying the whole sum of money to my mum.. but not enough.. and i still need money to survive in penang ma.. argh..28th july fast fast come.. i need MONEY.. in dire need indeed..but after this month.. i will be able to save money edi.. coz all debt to my mum will be cleared..hehe.. and i'm quite thrifty once i started working..go tesco also spend alot of time comparing prices only decide wat to buy.. but everytime also choose those cheap and more quantity 1 lo.. haiz.. i think i'm the most poor engineer in the world.. my breakfast never changed.. tiger biscuit and a glass of milk.. lunch and dinner either mixed rice or noodle.. everyday the same.. i limit myself not to spend more than rm15 per day.. and i did succeed most of the time.. sometimes fail when pass by tit bits area in tesco.. that also once in a blue moon oni la.. nowadays purposely dun 1 2 pass by there edi.. so can save myself from spending unnecessarily..

a guy named SUTANI~~

since working, everything is fine til today..my job requires me to write site diary everyday and submit everyday.. i have been submitting the same format as the previous ones all the while.. and the consultant chop and sign it without ever complaining..but today, the damn bloody brainless dick head consultant says that my site diary is RUBBISH.. when ask him y he says that its rubbish since he edi chop and sign it for 2-3 weeks without complaining.. his answer was: coz its rubbish.. swt.. he can't find a reason for it.. then simply say that its rubbish.. of course i was very angry at that time..its very clear that he 1 2 cari pasal oni.. i went back to office and checked the "site diary" file.. the format is exactly the same with mine since august 2009.. and he signed a few hundred of them without ever complaining.. now suddenly say its rubbish.. i tot of asking him y he still sign those site diary if he think that those are rubbish.. for 1 year summore wor.. i think this jackass is mentally unstable.. if he thinks that those site diary are rubbish but still chop and sign it.. wouldn't it mean that he is worse than a pile of rubbish.. and before this, i tot consultants must be technically very strong and should help others when a technical prob arise.. now i know those are all bullshit.. consultants are good at talking cock oni.. just complain alot..but when consult them for solution, tell us to think ourself..he never give any idea.. coz he really dun have idea ma.. wat to do.. ma just act smart and do nothing lo.. then occasionally "fat san king" to show how committed they are to their job.. where in fact their job has been backlogged for months.. no wonder others call him "sutani" which means "sohai" in bangladeshi language.. i should have chose to work in a consultant firm instead.. just need to act smart and dun need to crack ur head to settle prob.. maybe these are the main quality of a "successful" consultant.. lan c, act smart, complain alot when they dun know how to solve prob..and let all their job backlog for months, or will never do.. coz they are oni good at mumbling..heard that this dickhead's contract ends in august.. hopefully his contract won't be extended.. i dun need a dickhead consultant.. rather dun have consultant at all.. makes my life easier.. however, no matter how much i hate him..i still need to hand in the so called RUBBISH to him everyday til August..omg.. please calm me down..dun make me kill him.. I'll be leaving this project site in Oct..sabar yf..very fast oni..haiz.. sutani~~ sutani~~~

1 month gone

i've got my pay on the 28th..every month also 28th will automatically get my pay.. tot of treating myself better on that day.. tot of ordering western food (stall 1 la..which cost around rm6 - rm 8) coz i really din have any "good" food since i started working.. but ended up ordered prawn noodles which cost me rm3 coz "mm se tak".. 1 2 save money.. haiz.. but eventually, on the next day i treated myself the western food that i have wanted to try.. coz that particular day is really busy and i''m quite tired and hungry.. drinks also "upgrade" abit..ordered coke.. usually "leong cha" oni.. its edi the 2nd weekend since i last went home.. so sienz at hostel..tomolo planning to go to Queensbay Mall.. the people here told me that its quite big and got lots of thing.. go browse around and see how lo.. better than sitting at home watch tv for the whole day..no astro summore.. usually my oni entertainment for the weekend is the newspaper.. i dun buy it on weekdays coz dun have time to read and again, 1 2 save money.. poor guys like me is like that 1 la.. always thinking of saving money oni..

i'm pretty much used to the place that i'm living now.. construction site also quite familiar, at last know who to find when need to settle something..

working here is so different with uni.. the so called "assignments" can't be done by myself.. like it or not, i need to rely on others..coz i'm a project engineer who give orders and not implementing it..really need good human skills.. the assignment i'm handling now is very much in progress.. now oni i know working as project engineer also got free lunch 1 wor.. those contractor will treat us for lunch.. maybe so that in future can get project easier guar.. i'm not in power to do anything also.. they treat us, i ma eat lo..hehe.. 1st month edi had free lunch for twice.. not mixed rice or other cheap stuff ok.. but not very exp also la..considered decent la..

here are some photos of my daily life working..

my construction site office

drawings that will make u headache

the construction site

some of the "ular-king" resting

foreign workers "shopping" outsite the construction site

my best companion at site